It is quite odd: Although my first article on LinkedIn's cringiness is 100 % my opinion, which I would argue for against people with another opinion, I was really scared to publish it.
I even changed the short description compared to the original one (which my girlfriend mocked me about) because I did not want to come across as arrogant or negative.
My mother told me to not do it because she was scared that people working for my current client could feel offended, could see me as arrogant, too cocky, etc. She sure did make things worse in my head!
But then I thought about it and how people in my client's company are thinking currently about me:
- The ones who like me due to my personality, know that I would say/write something like this.
- The ones who appreciate the effort I put into my work but do not really care about me as a person, would probably not even read it. And if they would have, they would appreciate the depth of my thinking incl. the supporting arguments.
- The ones who do not like me, would see the article as an affirmative point.
Hence, I posted it because there will always be people who do not share your opinion, who do not appreciate your way of conducting things, and who simply do not like your personality.
What does it have to do with Business, dude?
That is what you are probably thinking right now. Well, the point I am trying to make is the following: While I had these thoughts about publishing something in public, I feel like most people I work with experience this anxiety all the time at work. This can have several reasons. After thinking about it for some time, I guess it could come from:
- Not caring. If you are not engaged with the work you are doing or the people you work with.
- Being afraid. Starting a conflict or discussion with someone else due to a difference in opinion.
- Fearing consequences. If you make a decision, it may turn out to be the wrong decision or you might encounter challenges.
- Feeling shame. If you say something wrong about a topic and somebody corrects you in front of others.
If you go through the factors, you might recognize some of them related to your behavior. I do for sure! I believe that most of the factors mentioned above are legitimate, and have their good right to exist when you look at different contexts. Some examples:
- Me, as a freelancer, I will mitigate any conflict or discussion within the first six months with a new client.
- A manager might want to empower his department and therefore leave decisions open so they will do it despite the doubts they might have as they are not used to doing it.
- You might have a bad day, are tired and therefore do not really engage with the content at work.
Congruence as a goal to strive for
But leading back to why I posted the article two weeks ago, I set myself a goal a long time ago to become more congruent.
Congruence, for people who don't know, means basically that your thoughts, words and actions build a line:
- You want to live consciously and therefore you are observant.
- If you think something about the observations made or ideas which come up, you have the courage to say it.
- If you say something, your actions match the content of your words.
Hence, I worked on this concept. But still, the conflicts were something I was mitigating in the past because I have never had the feeling to be truly competent as I was not able to define or even name the skills I had obtained. This changed over time with me aggressively throwing myself into more challenging projects. As a consequence, I improved my perception of myself through
- additional, positive feedback by people I respected
- seeing more people working in similar domains but struggling with things which come natural to me
- starting to take more responsibility for my actions and their consequences, which always resulted in positive feedback
- working on myself when others took time off
For around two years, I have been almost eager to engage in conflict. To be clear: I don't mean to attack people and how they operate. Instead, I say what I think based on the structure, culture & ways of collaborating, like
- criticizing tolerated however obviously inefficient processes & procedures,
- asking for more arguments for as well as against a decision or solution,
- requesting to contribute more to a collaborative endeavor, or
- stating my view with clear words on current topics.
Still, sometimes I cross the line, use the wrong words and receive the feedback that I misbehaved. No issue, I will always apologize if somebody opens up. But at least, I can clearly say that I am honest about it and that it was not my intention.
"Skin in the Game" - A concept lost in Business
The reasoning behind it is coming from Nassim Nicholas Taleb whose concept of "Skin in the Game" describes that honesty & good intentions can only be verified through "costly signals". Basically, putting yourself out there and accept the consequences:
"If you do not take risks for your opinion, you are nothing."
... and therefore as a framework:
"It may not be ethically required, but the most effective, shame-free policy is maximal transparency, even transparency of intentions."
Taleb lives his concept by viciously criticizing (or calling them idiots) other scientists, the status quo or the consensus on trendy topics. No matter what you think about his views, you just have to respect his congruence.
In the business world, I don't see much of it to be honest. Management does not criticize their people anymore because of the infantilizing snowflake-cultures we have created in companies. Managers making bad decisions (or much more often, no decisions) don't suffer the consequences of their doing. Employees still try to be as submissive towards their bosses as in the 20th centuries.
The worst thing is that we celebrate it as "progress" or the "right way of doing business". I know only a few people who are leading as authorities instead of functions/titles and they are still admired and respected.
Again, don't misunderstand me: I am not for crude hierarchies, obedience or aggressive work-cultures. But treating people as adults should return to the desks, especially to the desks of privileged people being able to work on a computer.
Conclusion - Be the change I want to see in the Business World
So, that is the concise version of why I posted the article last week and will continue to discuss controversial topics. Not because I want to be seen as smart or win a contest of who is liked the most. But because more authentic discussions of things everybody thinks about but nobody dares to say is creating not only an unproductive work environment but also a protection of bad-intentioned individuals who really discriminate & oppress the people working for them.
I want people to
- come better prepared to meetings
- offer more thought-through inputs
- feel more engaged with the tasks assigned to (or pulled by) them
- share their feelings & emotions when feeling mistreated
- make (insider) jokes to enjoy work more
What we need for that is more communication based on high expectations and not less due to fear of somebody feeling antagonized. Even if it happens, in a highly-trusted and respectful relationship, you will always come together and resolve the situation.